Don't Take This Game Too Seriously, part 4

More game session fun...

[D&D 3.5 - The Viridian Legacy]
During one D&D campaign, the party members were on a mission to retrieve a powerful artifact from a dragon's hoard. At some earlier point they had acquired a string of beads that could cause blindness when thrown if the target failed a saving throw. They decided to try to use the beads against the dragon to give themselves an advantage. Each member of the group took one bead. After they entered the dragon's lair, everyone threw their beads simultaneously.
The GM rolled the dragon's saving throw versus blindness - and on the first save rolled a 1, an automatic failure. The dragon was now blind. The GM continued to roll saves for each bead, and rolled a second 1. 
With the dragon blinded, the party's gnome beguiler made himself ethereal, and floated through the dragon's abdominal wall into its stomach, for the party had determined that the dragon had swallowed the artifact. Etherealness kept the dragon's digestive juices from harming the gnome at first, but he had to become solid again in order to try to pry the artifact out of the dragon's stomach wall where it had become embedded. Once he had done so, he pulled a figurine of wondrous power in the shape of a bronze griffin out of his pocket and it grew large enough at his command that it could claw its way out of the dragon through its belly. 
Then the gnome burst out of the dragon's belly astride the griffin, brandishing the giant crystal over his head.

[Pathfinder - Mummy's Mask]
Player 1: "Antitoxins work best if they're used before you're toxinated."
Player 2: "I'm so intoxinated right now."

[Pathfinder - Mummy's Mask]
The players were trying to skirt around a pressure plate that triggered a trap. They ended up putting a collapsible plank across the plate to get past it. 
GM: "So you're all charging down the hallway and stomping on the area beside the plank?"
Player: "I river-dance on it."

[Pathfinder - Mummy's Mask]
The campaign location has an Egyptian theme, with a lot of names beginning with P followed by another consonant. The players started adding a P to the beginning of other words, especially p-dick, as in "What a p-dick!" or "That's a p-dick move!"
This finally culminated when they found two identical corridors in the dungeon they were exploring. 
Player: "At least they were p-symmetrical p-dicks."

[Pathfinder - Mummy's Mask]
GM: "You have found the Tomb of Akhan-tepi."
Player: "I thought we'd been in the tomb of Akhan-tepi all along!"
GM: "Now you're in the tomb-tomb of Akhan-tepi-tepi."

[D&D5e - The City, Reborn]
The GM was trying to describe to a player how a character would feel when affected by necrotic damage. 
Other player: "For a moment you're languid with ennui."

[D&D5e - The City, Reborn]
The party's fighter was terrified of a visit from his "grannies". There seem to be a lot more of them than an ordinary person would have. We were discussing why he had so many grannies. 
Another player: "It takes a whole village to raise a [Fighter]."

[D&D5e - The City, Reborn]
The characters frequent an inn where one of the servers is an older lady who's not terribly attractive. 
GM (to fighter's player): "You catch her eye and she winks at you."
Fighter: "Ugh!" (shudders)

[Pathfinder - Mummy's Mask]
Player (looking at the Pathfinder app on his iPad): "There's a typo. The name of the spell is naturalize poison."  (The actual name of the spell should have been 'neutralize poison'.)

Other player: "It's not foreign poison, this is a domestic poison."

[Pathfinder - Mummy's Mask]
The party had acquired two jars of a perfume called nard.
Three players (simultaneously): "Now we have a pair of nards!"

[Pathfinder - Mummy's Mask]
As the party explored the interior of a subterranean tomb: 

Player: "Next up on 'Flip This Pyramid...'"

The trend of adding P to words continued in the Egyptian campaign.
Player: "They're P-mining beetles! Oh, P-shit!"

[D&D5e - The City, Reborn]
Years ago there was a comedy radio play about D&D in which one of the characters, upon being told he could only see darkness ahead, announced, "I attack the darkness!"

During one adventure the intrepid adventurers were under attack by some shadowy creatures. My character noticed an area of unnatural darkness. A Perception check combined with his ability to see in darkness told him there was a creature inside it.

With great glee, I shouted, "I attack the darkness!"

[Pathfinder - Mummy's Mask]
Player 1 (to the party shaman): "Could you 'create water' on it? That helps me when I'm sticky."

Player 2: "We don't want to hear about your weekends."

[Pathfinder - Mummy's Mask]
The GM held up the Adventure Path module, open to a page containing an illustration of a mummy, and announced to no one in particular:

GM: "I'm not looking at this page for any particular reason."

[Pathfinder - Kingmaker]
The party's alchemist liked to dissect monsters. His alchemy lab was full of monster organs in jars.

During one session, he was subject to a spell effect that left him Stunned for several rounds.

Player: "[Alchemist], look at the pretty stars!"
Alchemist: "...and hearts... and livers..."

[Pathfinder - Kingmaker]
The alchemist drank a potion of 'countless eyes' every day, so he was constantly covered in eyes. During one session he also drank a potion that gave him the Scent ability, in order to track someone.

Other player: "So if he's exposed to onions, do all his eyes water?"

[Pathfinder - Kingmaker]
Near the end of the session, the alchemist was chasing someone. He was flying, and to give himself reach, he drank a potion of 'enlarge person'.

Other player: "You don't see an 11-foot-tall flying dwarf covered with eyes every day."
Cleric: "Thank [goddess]!"

[Pathfinder - Kingmaker]
GM: "I don't expect half of what you players do, but I roll with the punches."
Monk: "Good, because I flurry!"
GM: "I can't roll that fast."

[Pathfinder - Kingmaker]
The alchemist made himself several simulacra, which he could transfer his consciousness between at will. He was also known for his abrasive personality.

Cleric: "[Alchemist] doesn't know anything about personal relationships."
Alchemist: "I totally understand personal relationships!"
Inquisitor (referring to the alchemist's simulacra): "He has five of them right now!"

[Pathfinder - Kingmaker]
Later, we were still giving the alchemist a hard time. 
Alchemist: "I bought a magic item to talk to people."
Fighter: "It costs 2 gold pieces per minute on weekdays, and 3 gold pieces on weekends."

Not a tabletop roleplaying experience, but my husband was playing The Elder Scrolls: Skyrim. When his character killed a draugr (a type of undead, for those not familiar with this game): 

Husband: "I deaded it."
Me: "You mean you re-deaded it."
Husband (in mock radio announcer voice): "'This re-deadification brought to you by Solstheim. I'm Casey Hergenjergen.'"

[Pathfinder - Wrath of the Righteous]
Shaman: "My Profession is gardener, not murderhobo."

[Pathfinder - Wrath of the Righteous]
GM: "The mongrelman stabs you with his rusty broken sword, the cowardly bastard. That's his name, by the way, Cowardly Bastard."
Brawler and wizard (in stereo): "CB for short!"

[Pathfinder - Wrath of the Righteous]
Shaman: "What's the creature's special attack?"
GM: "Constrict."
Brawler: "It likes to cuddle."

[Pathfinder - Wrath of the Righteous]
GM: "What's touch of evil? I can't remember what that does."
Player: "Does it make you feel a little bit naughty?"

[Pathfinder - Kingmaker]

Alchemist's player (reading from a rulebook):
"'The alchemist creates a simulacrum. a soulless body' - which isn't that far from normal."

[Pathfinder - Kingmaker]
The alchemist's player got some food stuck in his beard. (Note - the only beardless players in our group are myself and the wife of the alchemist's player.)

Other player: "With all the beards around this table, if you brush it out, it will get stuck in somebody's beard."

The GM described how during the preious week's session, when he rolled for damage healed by two potions, he rolled a 1 and a 2.
Player: "Dammit, I knew I should have checked the 'bless by' date on those potions!"

[Pathfinder - Wrath of the Righteous]

GM (to player who keeps making bad jokes): You're getting docked XP right and left."
Player: "Yay! My ship just docked."
GM: "Your ship has sailed."
Player: "The ship carrying your XP sank off the Cape of Good Hope."

[Pathfinder - Wrath of the Righteous]

Player 1: "Why does Obi-Wan seem like a baked bean sandwich kind of guy?"
Player 2: "No, that would be O-Beano-Wan."

[Pathfinder - Wrath of the Righteous]

The wizard made several unsuccessful attempts to harm enemies with a 'ray of frost' spell. When she finally succeeded: 

Other Player: "So that's what that does!"

[Pathfinder - Wrath of the Righteous]

The GM was searching for some minis to use for the next scene. 
Player (hosting the game): "Do you need some ghouls dressed as clowns? I have some of those."
GM (bemused): "No... not right now."
Other Player: "Thank god!"